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5
Jul 11

Attention shoppers

Started the day on the bike, as per usual. Made it 14.5 miles. It was warm and bright and sunny, but that wasn’t the problem. There’s a cramping pain in my shoulder that would not allow me to look behind me to the left. This is important, you know, to monitor traffic, so I figured I should call it an early day.

Which is very interesting. At 20 miles I feel as if I can at least say I’ve had a little exercise. Thirty miles seems to be where I can say is a good place to park the bike, clean up and still have a marginally useful day. Higher than that and the bike ride becomes the day, physically speaking. Thirty isn’t a plateau, but you can see it from there. Fifteen? Why bother?

I pedaled around most of the bypass, hooked a left through the airport’s neighborhood and decided to shut down from there. I took the downhill express route home, and found The Yankee already back inside. She’d bailed, too, blaming the sun.

So we had a day of Court TV. Casey Anthony not guilty! I’m shocked! Appalled! I don’t know why, but the media is telling me I should be! And the media is full of talented litigators.

This sort of news holds little sway with me anywhere. It’s terrible on the personal level and cheap and facile from the news media’s perspective. No doubt it is very important to those involved, and I understand how bystanders can become invested in it. We’ve all been there on some type of story or another. This particular one just isn’t for me.

This is what I know of the entire story, which has been going on for years now: a child is dead, a mother is the suspect and she probably won’t win any Mother of the Year awards. So, naturally, I’m shocked. SHOCKED!

Because the newspapers tomorrow will tell me I should be; just like the talking heads have told me I should be all day. Except for that one lady on CNN, who suggested a lynch mob was on the verge of forming at the courthouse.

Really?

They set up for a jury press conference. Those wishing to take part could stand before the media and give an oration dissimilar to the fiery stuff that came out of one of the defense counselor’s head. The jury demurred. And that’s where the entire thing got boring.

I’m only writing this for the search engines. Casey Anthony! Mother of the Year! Guilty! Not guilty!

Shameful, isn’t it? And that’s what cable news has been doing for months. Or, in the case of some of the Headline News wags, years.

In my fun reading today I stumbled across a site called Dead Malls. This is a subject of little interest to me, but I appreciate the labor of love that goes into it. There’s a generation of culture built into the trappings and successes and failures of the mall culture. And you have to know, beginning a site like this, that your audience is extremely narrow. Who wants to read about a mall in Peoria except for the good people of Peoria?

Here are three I skimmed from Alabama: Eastwood, Century Plaza and Montgomery. The first two I’d actually visited at one point or another.

I’ll admit it. I was a teen in the right time for malls. They were a great place to meet with friends, play video games, catch a movie, buy things and play with the gadgets at Brookstone. Visiting one now does seem a bit different. Maybe it is timing, or age or the economy, but the vibrance seems gone.

Of course, I’ve been in a dead mall, too. I suddenly remembered. Only those people hadn’t covered it. To the Googles!

Another mall blog — there are several, it turns out — chronicles the sad demise and the odd current stasis that inhabits Westlake Mall.

The guy that runs that site is in his early-30s. He’s from Atlanta. And, despite clearly being uncomfortable cruising around the place he has the history pretty well figured out. The comments are wonderfully insightful. I left one, too, because one good comment deserves another and another. And it all harkens back to a changing of the retail guard, names I can recall in locations I would know better under different fonts and signage. But still. What was Woolworth became a Walmart, until they moved and that is now a Big Lots and a Fred’s. What used to be Zayre morphed into Kmart which was in a perpetual slide, but is now a thrift store. What was once Westlake Mall went through two iterations of anchor stores. (I remember the Consumer Warehouse Foods, where you wrote your own prices so they didn’t have to employ extra help, thereby keeping prices down. I recall Ronnie Marchant Furniture which was going out of business for 20 years, but is even still open today just a few blocks away from the mall. I recall Goody’s, in what used to be Loveman’s, have the faintest recollection of Sears and a Handy electronics place where no one ever seemed to buy anything.) The mall finally died after years on life support around the turn of the century and is now owned by a car salesman (who’s sons I knew in elementary school) who hopes to turn it into a giant flea market. Maybe.

Retail is always changing, but it seems to have changed a lot in my youth.

I began looking at other malls on his site. Here’s the Galleria, the local mall of choice in my youth, which was fabulous and then became generic, but is still rather impressive to see, especially through other people’s eyes.

I wrote of this in an Email to a friend, suggesting he give it a look because there would be a few names he recognized. I said this is another in a long list of “I love the Internet” moments. He wrote back that that is sort of sad.

Not sure if he meant the dead malls or what I found interesting today.

One final interesting thing: All of this somehow led me to an old column one of the local writers had on the fabled Bessemer Super Highway. He once ruffled some feathers by asking what was so super about it. (The corridor has seen better economic days. And that’s being kind.) Also, he said, it isn’t precisely a highway.

This, of course, prompted a reply and a terrific picture. Most importantly he received a little written history from a former DOT official that explained the road:

By the mid-1930’s, the State Highway Department began serious consideration of (a) new route to connect Jefferson County’s two major cities.

State engineers were aware of the revolutionary freeway system, the Autobahn, being developed in Germany and acquired a set of design plans from the Europeans. They then applied the design to a new highway … Unfortunately, the economic constraints resulting from the Great Depression caused the State to eliminate plans for a complete freeway facility.

[…]

However, the completed product was magnificent and resulted in the State’s first completely new multi-lane highway with roadways separated by a grassed median. The State Highway Department intended to simply call the highway the Birmingham-Bessemer Boulevard, but the public was so enamored with the facility, they dubbed it the “Bessemer Super Highway” and the designation was ultimately officially adopted. In 1940, a lighting system was installed along the route and, for a time, the Super Highway was the longest whiteway east of the Rocky Mountains.

[…]

Had the State been able to carry through with the original plans, the Super Highway would have pre-dated Connecticut’s Merritt Parkway and the Pennsylvania Turnpike as the first freeway in America.

I grew up alongside what was almost the first freeway in the country. The Yankee grew up alongside the Merritt, which was the first.

MerrittParkway

That’s an M.P. Wolcott shot of the Merritt Parkway (via the Library of Congress), in July 1941 Connecticut, months before people knew what Pearl Harbor was. This was 70 years ago, perhaps to the day. What do you think they were listening to on their car radios?


2
Jul 11

Stuff and things

Took the day off the bike. After 29 miles and change — I said somewhere that it was 23, but after re-examining the map I discovered an error — we decided to rest today.

So we rested today.

And so it was that we settled in on the sofa to watch a few things on Netflix, only to discover that the items we’d put in our queue are no longer streaming. It’s like standing in line for a show only to get to the window to discover the room is sold out. You can’t put any more importance on it than that, really. This is a television show we now can’t watch immediately. It is hardly a real problem.

But still, Netflix, can’t you send an Email that says “Hey, we noticed some of the things in your queue are about to be removed from rotation”? Also, improve the user interface. And let me queue things from the television. But otherwise you’re a brilliant service in every way.

We watched other things instead.

Never mentioned, and I’ve meant to two or three times, the fine Sherlock Holmes series from the BBC I watched a week or so ago on Netflix. The first season was only three episodes, but they were great television. It is a modern adaptation of Holmes, who is some sort of forensic pathologist who admits he’s a sociopath in a completely invented job. His fancy title is “detective consultant,” but the real job is “bailing out the police.” His Watson is a veteran of Afghanistan and could be a far more interesting character than his interesting partner. There’s one layer to Holmes; there’s a lot of brooding in Watson.

And the dialog.

Everything is just so crisp.

Is it a function of the characters? Unusually talented writers? Television that doesn’t feel compelled to distill their product to the lowest common denominator?

Great show. I’m ready for the second season.

Sports. The Maple Street Auburn magazine has arrived. It is do on magazine racks and at fine booksellers in a few more days. Pre-order your copy now.

I got one early because I have a piece in the magazine. This is the first year Maple Street has run a pub on Auburn. They reached out to my friend Jay Coulter to edit the magazine. I met Jay years ago when I was at al.com and he joined me for regular sports podcasts. Jay asked me to write a story and then he had to step down from the project for other obligations.

Enter my friend Jeremy Henderson. He took over as editor and he (and Coulter before him) assembled a great staff and they produced a fine magazine fan boys can’t help but love. And, also, I’m in it:

Forty years is a long time to be a sports hero. Pat Sullivan has been doing this for a long time, and does it with the grace and ease of a Southern gentleman.

If you haven’t been following his career: after his most recent stop at Auburn as a quarterbacks coach (1986-1991) he spent five years at TCU as the head coach, seven seasons as the offensive coordinator at UAB and has been the head coach at Samford University in Birmingham for the last five seasons. Now, at 61-years-young, his passion for the game is as strong is ever. His grip is still like stone.

[…]

Sullivan looks at his career through those relationships he’s cultivated along the way. His Heisman Trophy experience was no different.

Back in those days the announcement came as a halftime feature during the Georgia-Georgia Tech game. Instead of being on the front row in New York, Sullivan was in Auburn.

“We were actually at practice that day because we had Alabama on Saturday. My parents had come down to hear the announcement … Our TV went on the blink so we had to go rent a room at the Heart of Auburn. We watched it on TV just like everybody else,” Sullivan said.

Sullivan, perhaps the last Heisman Trophy winner to stay at the Heart of Auburn, says his room number has been lost to history. There are plenty of clear memories from the night, though.

Be sure to check out the magazine, on shelves July 19th.


29
Jun 11

Four stories for the price of one

Let us recall: I did 42 miles on the bike yesterday. That was, in a sense, giving up on my original plan. Recall I’d planned to do 50 miles. But, when I crossed the artery off which our subdivision thrives I noted a deep, emotional pleasure of seeing the road sign. Taking that as a sign, I turned and headed in.

Because saying no to the last 10 miles with a heat index of 96, to me, is giving up.

But the better for it, I felt. Discretion and all that. Saddle sores can’t be nearly as fun as the alliteration they make. So I was OK with it, especially after rubbing a curative elixir in my quads. All of that was yesterday, after which I visited the helpful bike store which is full of helpful lads doing thoughtful things trying to keep their laughter about your predicament to a minimum.

This pain in my hand, for instance. And what about this? And how do I? Why, yes, 42 miles, thank you. Why do you snicker?

So today The Yankee and I set out for more of this delightful fun, where the heat index was a mellow 90 degress — hey, even the relative humidity has a take a day off every now and again — and we covered 29 miles.

Well, I covered 29 miles. I took a slightly longer route, intent on racing her home. But then every part of me gave out in the last few miles. Which doesn’t mean anything bad, really. Not to worry. I just coasted more than I should. And wondered how I could simultaneously cramp in 103 percent of my body.

She beat me soundly.

Here’s the cheering section.

Horses

Note their casually dismissive approach to encouragement. The distance between camera and subject isn’t expressive enough, but the fence line keeps them back and their lack of amazement by my cycling further restricts them.

At first I thought that it was a denuded poplar tree in the background. When I finally cropped the picture I realized it was the power pole. Cursed power poles. Yesterday, on one long stretch of highway I found no shade. All of the blessed, dark coolness was on the left-hand side of the road. It was long and my field of vision was clear. This blisteringly hot condition was continuing on for some time. And then, I realized, it was the power poles. They were all on my side of the highway. Everything else had been clear cut.

And I uttered perhaps the most petulant thing I’ve said in my adult life.

Oh, like these people need power.

Clearly my shade was more important.

Where I tell you about our search for dinner: Have I mentioned we broke one of the toilets in our house? I did. How about the various evil spirit curses placed upon our property?

When we first moved in we broke the thermostat. That cost $50.

Then I broke the shower head trying to fix a drip. That led to a larger problem which required plumbers, a drywall saw and an acetylene torch. It should have cost us about $1400, the plumber said, since it was a weekend. Fortunately the house warrant and the new shower head stuff cost us around $100.

And then we woke up one weekend to find the frozen contents of our refrigerator hanging out in liquid form on the floor. That cost us $50 (thanks home warranty) plus whatever we paid for ice and dry ice to preserve our perishables.

(We’d been in the house for two months by then.)

Then, in October, the dishwasher broke. Fifty more bucks. (And our second in-house electrocution.)

Then it broke again in December. We had it repaired during the holidays. Yep, $50 more.

This list does not include the bird feeder or the cable/Internet problems.

It does now include March’s necessary garage door button replacement.

It should also be noted that another air conditioner man had to come out and replace a contact on our external unit. Seems you can stop a Trane. And I have to pay $55 dollars to get back on board. This was, apparently, not noted in the blog. But believe me, it happened. I have the canceled check to prove it.

The current minor plumbing issues.

At this point we’re keeping a running total of the devious spirits.

So, to quickly recap (because, really, this story is about dinner): I replaced the flapper in the basin of each toilet tank. In doing so I managed to make one of them leak. I emptied it again and dried the tank, hoping a sealant would be an easy and quick fix. Tonight we visited Lowe’s to get silicon. I run across a man who works there who suggests the fix is probably in a filter, and corrosion related. So he dissuades me from picking up a sealant, encouraging me to bring in the damaged parts so we can find a suitable replacement. “Oh and plumbing repairs are seldom easy.”

Not that that was anything new to hear.

So we leave Lowe’s and look for dinner. We rattle off the options, prattle off the things that don’t sound good and turn to a food app. Thai! There’s Thai in Opelika. We turn the car around and drive across town. We find the right place, where we see a sign that translates to mean “We are no longer Thai.”

NoThai

We settle on Logans. Which is right across the street from Lowe’s. When the waiter comes The Yankee orders. He turns to me. I’ll have the Thai. This is hysterical to everyone. They’re holding a ceremony to honor this joke next week.

Where I tell you about my repair work: After dinner I decided to investigate the water filter on our refrigerator. This is the first unit I’ve ever had with the water and ice dispenser in the door. There must be, I rationalize, a filter somewhere. Probably it needs replacement.

I do a little study. I find the Whirlpool site that tells me precisely where the filter is. The site insists I find the model number so that it can tell me what filter to order.

I find the model number of the refrigerator. I enter it into the Whirlpool website, which does not recognize it. I enter it again. I carefully inspect my data entry. Still the Whirlpool database suggests this is a secret box of government documents, or perhaps a crate of uranium, anything but a series of letters and numbers that correspond to a refrigerator. I examine each number on the filter. I enter them all into the Whirlpool site. None are recognized.

I’ll just order a new one by eye. Because this is a good technique for this house.

Fridge

I decide, after failing to resolve my refrigerator issue, to take apart the toilet tank. One needs the feeder hoses, washers and connectors so the hardworking folks at Lowe’s can remind me: lefty loosey, righty tighty.

I remember that to put the flapper into this tank that I had to remove the feeder tube that pumps the refill water in the right place. This wiggled the floater canister, which controls how much water the tank holds. This is the area in which the leak has suddenly appeared. I take the entire thing apart and put it back together. I torque it as if I need to crank down the landing gear so we can safely put down and we’re only getting one chance at this. I say a little prayer, pre-select an oath to mutter just in case, and fill the tank.

No leak!

This is the first thing I’ve fixed in this house that cost five bucks and stayed at that price.

But the brick which is in there, because water displacement saves the earth, started making noise. Seems the porous brick had dried out. The water seeping in and the air escaping sounds like a rainforest. After a few flushes the creatures in the brick were drowned and silenced.

I tinkered with the master bathroom’s toilet, too, because I did not like the flush rate. I adjusted the chain’s location on the handle, which improves the turning ratio (and now it can climb semi-steep hills). I realized, in glancing at the flapper package as I’m about to throw it away, that there is a part of that rubberized flapper I was supposed to cut away. I make the requisite snips.

Now that one is running again.


27
Jun 11

Doe, John Doe

Pay

The out-in-the-country wall post. Saw that on our bike ride this morning, an easy 23 miles out and back. Interesting how hills that once seemed daunting you can work through with comparative ease.

The last time we were out this way there were three names on that sign, but two of them must have settled up. And so I looked up Trey Gunter … and I’m thinking that might be a masterful alias.

What alias would you use? I think I’d cobble together a name from literature, or go with an obscure president.

My name? Cal Coolidge.

Might work.

Visited Walmart because there wasn’t much keeping me from going there. Picked up Miracle Gro. It seems the things that we wish to keep small in the yard grow prolifically. The things we’d like to accentuate need some steroids from Scotts.

Picked up Gorilla tape, which is as strong as sticky duct tape, looks like electrical tape but most certainly is not. I’m going to wrap it on my handlebars, because another over-gripping primate needs to grab hold of my handlebars.

Snacks, more snacks and not any waterproof silicon, which was the actual purpose of the visit. All of the directions instructed you to not apply below the waterline. It is waterproof with conditions. This is not the sort of relationship I wish to begin with sealants.

Links: Your tax dollars, lowest common denominator, governmental humiliator at work in the form of the TSA:

A 95-year-old Barry County woman’s ordeal with airport screening — where a relative says security agents required her adult diaper be removed — has become the latest in a string of national stories on frustrations with TSA procedures.

Lena Reppert, a native of Barry County, was flying from Florida to move home to the Hastings area, where she’s living with relatives who are caring for her, said her daughter, Jean Weber of Destin, Fla.

Instead of a getting a special goodbye moment with her cancer-stricken mother, Weber said the June 18 security check turned in a tearful ordeal because of the lengthy pat down by Transportation Security Administration agents.

“She was subjected to 45 minutes of searching, and I didn’t think that should happen,” Weber said this morning from her home in Destin.

There’s now an update to that story, but the response is thin gruel, but I feel safer already knowing a nonagenarian with leukemia has been ruled out as a threat.

North Korea is starving, perhaps even more than foreign policy guesstimates. Secret footage paints a grim picture:

“This footage is important because it shows that Kim Jong-il’s regime is growing weak,” he said.

“It used to put the military first, but now it can’t even supply food to its soldiers. Rice is being sold in markets but they are starving. This is the most significant thing in this video.”

This sort of thing is not what China and the South Koreans want to hear. When the government falls, or the serfs finally have had enough, those are the two borders and economies that will be directly stressed.

Maybe they should send in these ladies to assess the situation. World War II spy ladies from the OSS have been reunited in their neighborhood:

It was the early 1940s when Bohrer and McIntosh fell into jobs at the Office of Strategic Services, the nation’s first intelligence agency, created by President Franklin D. Roosevelt and led by William “Wild Bill” Donovan, a Wall Street lawyer and World War I veteran. They were among the rarest of operatives, women working overseas during World War II.

In China, McIntosh, a “black propaganda” specialist, whipped up fake news stories to undermine the morale of the enemy — including an effort to convince the Japanese emperor’s soldiers that their wives were procreating with other men back home. Stationed in Italy, Bohrer analyzed aerial photographs of Germany, helping select sites to air drop and rescue OSS officers behind enemy lines.

Great story.


23
Jun 11

“You gettin’ wet, ain’t ya?”

“Watch out for storms,” she said.

This is good advice. Useless, but good.

I’m on my bike, about 14 miles into the ride when the sprinkling started. Oh, I’d watched out for the storms, but this did me no good. My certainty of the existence of rain did not dissuade it from falling upon me. My awareness of the clouds to my left did not preclude precipitation.

There was a gas station, though, where I managed to take refuge when the wet stuff really started falling. We need the rain so bad I would have stayed under there for a long time, but I was back on the road again in half an hour.

In that time I had two great conversations, each centering around my predicament. One guy asked how far I had to go. When I told him he just laughed. Another man asked if I was getting wet.

No sir, that’s why I’m standing under the awning.

It reminded me of the time in 1994 — during the LSU vs Auburn game*, in fact — that I had a flat tire. My jack slipped and I had to try to pick up the corner of my old Buick by my shoulder. This guy walked by and asked “Have a flat?”

No, I just rotate my tires every 50,000 miles no matter where I am.

You know, it might have been the same guy.

So the rain stopped, my ride continued. And then the rain returned for about 45 seconds. I pedaled on. Stopped at my pre-arranged place to pick up a snack and some replacement beverages. And off I went for the second half of my ride. This is an area I’ve only ridden twice before, so I’m only starting to get comfortable in the hills. I struggle my way through until it is time for a snack … and realize I can’t open the packaging from the bike. So I stop. Still can’t open it. Poke it with a stick, no luck. Find a sharp rock, and suddenly I’m a prehistoric man in sweaty raglan.

Eat my nuts and honey snack, get back on my bike and realize one of my water bottles is missing. Well.

So I backtrack. I go all the way down one road with no luck. Down a huge hill and another road with no sight of the gray and yellow bottle. And then down a third stretch of asphalt.

Where I find it sitting next to a bridge. I had squarely hit the rim-wrecking pothole on the bridge and the bottle fell out of the cage. Probably I was grunting too hard to hear it land.

Now which way? I didn’t want to go up that huge hill again, and it felt as if I hadn’t reached the mid-point so I called an audible and worked my way back home. When I got in and looked at the altered route I found it was a 41 mile day.

Didn’t feel nearly as miserable as I did from our 41 mile trek last weekend. That’s improvement.

And I was only heckled twice, so clearly I’m doing something right.

Farmer’s market this afternoon, where we bought cantaloupe, watermelon, corn (from a different grower), peaches, squash and tomatoes.

I sound so healthy, don’t I? (We had cookies for dessert tonight.)

Random things: Reporters arrested for … reporting. That’s going to court with a great hue and cry.

Publishers to universities: We aren’t the bad guys. Another tough spot for everyone that devolves to control, and impressive markups.

What’s eating college radio? Bottom line issues, apparently, though we’ve been discussing it and the prevailing opinion among WEGL-alumni is that all the good ones graduated. (And I did, too.)

Dumb commercial of the night:

* This is what I missed while struggling with my car. I remember it because the seven turnovers to win was quite ridiculous. My senior year in high school, Auburn was as out of that game as you could be when I blew my tire. By the time I got back to the radio the game was over and they’d done the improbable, and thank you Curley Hallman.

Is it football season yet?