family


9
Nov 13

Giving the present

Someone in my family must always give the blessing. And usually there is a storytelling period after dinner. If there is any general silliness, because my family enjoys silliness, this might get in the way of storytelling. If there is to be the presentation of something there is usually a speech.

I’d already offered the blessing and I had no speech. I’d thought of things to say, but nothing I could say seemed simultaneously big enough and small enough for the moment. I can’t explain that, dichotomy, you’ll just have to go along with it. So I said to my grandfather, about his present, that it was from the four of us: my folks, my wife and me. It was something we did, I said, because of how much we cared for him. I finished my speech saying that we’d cared a lot about this project, and that we hoped he liked it, too.

He unwrapped the box, cut the tape from the folds and he flipped them back and looked at this handsome cherry box with a black background and colorful elements inside.

I had the good fortune to sit next to him and tell him what they all meant. He listened closely. He read, for a long time, the certificate that came with the flag we had flown over the U.S. Capitol. It said that it was flown in honor and memory of Tonice, a Christian, husband, father and grandfather, a medic in the 137th Infantry Regiment of the 35th Division, wounded at the Battle of the Bulge. The certificate noted it was flown on the anniversary of the end of the war.

I pointed out what some of the medals meant. I told him that this booklet had a few pages describing what was involved with each of the medals. I said the rest of this booklet was text about the 137th’s time in France and Germany and Belgium while my grandfather’s father was there. It reads day-by-day. Read it at your own pace, I said. Just please promise me you’ll at least read through Christmas Day.

That day’s notes are comforting. It was important to at least read that much.

All of this had been a mystery in the family. Now, for his birthday, my grandfather suddenly had a lot more information about what his dad did in the war. My great-grandfather had never talked about it that much, if at all. And this would have been far too fancy for such a quiet and humble man. But it was important to me to find it and important to all of us to share it with my grandfather.

By the time I started explaining the medals, my grandmother had walked over. She leaned in to see it the display case sitting on his lap. She was eyeing the walls. Where could we display it?

My grandfather is a pretty quiet man, too. He took it all in, and it was a lot to take in. But his reaction was almost inscrutable. When we left last night he gave me a big hug. This wasn’t new. He thanked me again for the display case. He held on a bit longer than normal and thanked me a few more times. That wasn’t why we did it, of course, but it was a hint about how he felt about the thing, and that was gratifying.

Today my grandmother said he read through all of the pages that I’d given him. He’d read awhile, she said, and then show her something. He’d read awhile longer and then show her something else. She’d thanked me last night for making this for him — How often does someone thank you for something you did for a third person? — and today she made sure that we knew how much he was enjoying it.

He got up this morning, she said, and walked around their house staring at all of the walls. She’d asked him what he was doing. He said he was looking for the right place to put the display case. They’d thought, at first, about hanging it over the sofa in their living room. The way their home is laid out this is essentially the center of the universe.

But, he’d decided there might be glare from the window opposite. He found a new place and we installed the display case today.

Clem

We realized it is in a place where everyone who walks in their home will see it. We realized it is also in direct view of my grandfather’s recliner.


8
Nov 13

About that present

From the beginning, you must know that all of this would be frowned upon as too much of a fuss. This would be disproved of because this is not the right thing to do. It is vainglorious. It would be dismissed because it didn’t fit the man. All of this is ostentatious. But, sometimes, a man is bigger than he realizes.

These are my great-grandparents: Tonice and Ocie, and their oldest of four children, my grandfather, Clem:

ToniceOcie

That picture has landed here before, but it is important to introduce them again today to wrap up a story that went untold for 60 years, research that was unfulfilled for a decade and a mystery that was unraveled off-and-on over the last 12 months and is being presented tonight.

My great-grandfather, Tonice, was, to me, the archetype of a Christian man. (He would probably object to that, and really would not like all of the things I’m about to say.) He was a humble fellow. He was a farmer, a pillar of his church and the kind of guy I’d do well to be like. He was a quiet guy. He had a voice that I remember as a loud whisper, the kind you lean in for. He was a kind, giving man. He’d rather you didn’t notice that he did his earthly work without fanfare. That’s probably part of why he came home from the war, like so many others, and didn’t want to talk about it.

The day we buried Tonice, in 2001, the preacher talked about how he’d been visiting people in the hospital even as his own body was being worn away. His preacher told us an anecdote about his wartime service, a topic he was always careful to avoid. His children learned perhaps as much about what he did in Europe in the church’s bulletin that day as they had in a lifetime with the man — and even then it wasn’t much. It just wasn’t important to talk about. Or perhaps it was important to keep to himself.

Before he died he’d asked for a simple funeral. As pallbearers we put his casket in the earth and covered it ourselves. It was one of the saddest and simplest and greatest honors of my life to be a part of that. He was, by rights, entitled to a military funeral, but he demurred. He simply wanted someone from the VFW to come out and present a flag to his wife. They did and it was all done simply and efficiently and he would have liked that.

I stared at that church bulletin for a long time. I’d come back to it every few months and then again around the time of year he died. My appreciation of history was in full bloom by then and I tried to find more about this chapter of his life. The man was a farmer and a family man, but there were other important things, too. I found his draft registration online. About five years ago, with my grandfather’s permission, we sent off to the national archives to see what they had on my great-grandfather. The 1973 fire sadly wiped out a lot of records. The title of that document is A Study in Disaster, and that seemed appropriate.

The government sent back word that they had nothing, and would we kindly fill them in? We had nothing, too.

The trail went cold.

Late last year a friend suggested I seek out his discharge papers. Returning troops, I was told, often filed them with the county back then. So I went to that office in his county at Christmas. They didn’t have anything, but they suggested I try the VA next door. I walked over and met an angel who called everyone under the sun until, after an hour or more, she found someone that actually had a copy of his DD-214. Someone, whose name I never heard, on the other end of that phone call had to go out in rain and maybe sleet to dig through files and boxes in an uninsulated outbuilding, but she dug up the file.

They faxed it over and suddenly, in my hands, were details. When he was wounded. When he was shipped back to the U.S. Where and when he was discharged. Some of his medals. His unit. This was the Christmas present of the year. My new friend at Veterans Affairs and I shared a little cry that embarrassed us both, which seems silly in retrospect. This was an important find. From this paperwork things started to come together.

Knowing his unit was the key. I found, online, a roster of the 137th that included his name. Confirmation. From there I was able to make this interactive map, which I shared here last January:

We decided that my grandfather deserved a big birthday present this year, so we continued the research. I found, and ordered, the medals Tonice never talked about. I had a flag flown over the U.S. Capitol on the anniversary of the end of the war in his honor. I took the history of the 137th Infantry Regiment of the 35th Infantry Division and wrote a narrative of Tonice’s days in France and Germany and Belgium, some of which is included in that map. I pulled in other sources, weather reports, soldier stats, the incredible tale of Mr. Michael Linquata a medic from the 134th, historical photos and more. There are now about a dozen or so sources in all. I added photo maps. It grew to over 30 pages, but I trimmed it to 26 for a high-altitude view of Tonice’s time in the war. It isn’t complete. It isn’t personal, but it is a tangible observation of a period he never talked about.

We ordered a nice display box. We worried for hours, it seems, over the proper layout and the precise measurements of things. We managed to keep it all secret. So my parents, my wife and I were able to present that big historical document, the flag and the accompanying certificate in my great-grandfather’s honor and this display case to my grandfather:

displaycase

That picture in the middle is the one at the top of the post, circa 1944. My great-grandfather was a combat medic, enduring the coldest winter Europe could remember. A weather report I found, and incorporated into the historic narrative, said the ground was frozen four-feet deep. His preacher said, when we buried him, that Tonice was the man that took his field jacket off and gave it to a soldier in a war zone to help keep him warm.

That didn’t surprise anyone in the church that day. The conditions he was in at the time might have. He’d never talked about it. We knew about the quiet, steady nature and nobility of the man. What it carried him through, until now, even his children couldn’t imagine. I’m pleased to be able to give his son, my grandfather, a bit of insight on that. If I didn’t know what the phrase “labor of love” meant before, I have a slightly better understanding of it now.

I’ve been hinting at this and we’ve been working on this project for a good long while. I’d gone through all of the stages — elation at discovering a new tidbit, the fear of finding too many tidbits, pleasure at laying out a handsome display, the misery of wondering whether I had enough tidbits, the uncertainty of how it would be received, all of that — and now we’re finally to the point of getting the glass cleaned and making sure everything is just so and wrapping the box and putting it in my grandfathers hands …

And I’m going to tell you about that tomorrow.


24
Oct 13

You’re going where again? Canada?

I managed to sneak out for a late day ride today. I probably won’t get another one for a few days, so it didn’t seem important to go far or ride hard. So I stopped and took two pictures, which I should do more. It isn’t like I’m setting any great records or chasing anyone anyway.

Road

Above is a stretch of road on the local time trial circuit. I tried the race against the clock one time. I am no good at it. So I just ride it as part of most every other route. Today I did it on the bike half of my ride, a measly little 15 mile circuit. But I got all the good curves and some of the better hills in, at least.

This one is a bit closer to home:

Road

You ride on down the road, turn into a subdivision and then out the other side. You go over a little roller and turn again there’s a little hilltop finish that I always imagine is a big race finish. Except I never really beat my best time. Tonight I was pedaling and it was apparent there was nothing in my legs and yet there I was, straining and trying and wheezing and there was a car waiting patiently behind me.

Which is fine, because he passed me, a few more turns were taken and I managed to pass several cars. Sometimes, now, I can do that. It usually involves a downhill tailwind and a distracted driver who is out for a Sunday stroll to admire the scenery. But still. I did it on a Thursday night, and that’s something.

Called my grandmother this evening, to check in after a recent doctor’s visit. She told me all about the football she watched this past weekend.

Also, she’s now planning a trip to Canada in the spring. It seems my mom and step-dad mentioned this scenic place they’d discovered. “I figure I deserved it by now,” she said. Now both my folks’ mothers are going on this trip.

Both ladies are in their 80s.

Things to read …

This is pretty tough to hear. Many middle-class Americans plan to work until they die:

A growing percentage of middle-class Americans say they have saved so little for retirement that they expect to work into their 80s or even until they either get too sick or die, according to a recent survey.

Nearly half of middle-class workers said they are not confident that they will be able to save enough to retire comfortably, according to a Wells Fargo survey of 1,000 workers between the ages of 25 and 75, with household incomes between $25,000 and $100,000.

As a result, 34% said they plan to work until they’re at least 80 — that’s up from 25% in 2011 and 30% last year. An even larger percentage, 37%, said they’ll never retire and plan to either work until they get too sick or die, the survey found

It seems like every survey similar to this finds some slightly different numbers — perhaps someone should do a meta-analysis — but there are some common themes emerging. The role of news on Facebook:

(A)bout half of adult Facebook users, 47%, “ever” get news there. That amounts to 30% of the population.

Most U.S. adults do not go to Facebook seeking news out, the nationally representative online survey of 5,173 adults finds. Instead, the vast majority of Facebook news consumers, 78%, get news when they are on Facebook for other reasons. And just 4% say it is the most important way they get news. As one respondent summed it up, “I believe Facebook is a good way to find out news without actually looking for it.”

However, the survey provides evidence that Facebook exposes some people to news who otherwise might not get it.

Here is some navel gazing about web design. Ignore the headline. WYSIWTFFTWOMG!:

Since we’ve been using computers to make websites we’ve tried to make them like print. Of course, early on, that was fair enough. It was familiar. We knew the rules and tried to make the web like it. Even now, with the realisation that the web has changed – or rather, we’re being honest to the way the web is. It never really changed, we just tried to make it something it wasn’t – we’re still enforcing a print-like mental model on it. Not necessarily us designers and developers, though. This is coming from people who write and manage content. Just like printing out an email before they send it, they will want to preview a website to see how it looks.

The problem is this: The question content people ask when finishing adding content to a CMS is ‘how does this look?’. And this is not a question a CMS can answer any more – even with a preview. How we use the web today has meant that the answer to that questions is, ‘in what?’.

Here is the only thing in America getting smaller. The Incredible Shrinking Plane SeatPeople have an idea in their head, given the cost and security and the herding indignities and now the shrinking seats, of how far they are willing to drive before they’ll resort to flying. You have to think those numbers are going to slide a bit more when people enjoy these … intimate … tiny experiences.

Well, tomorrow is Friday, and I hope yours is as big as possible. Do stop back by when you can. And, of course, there’s always Twitter.


14
Aug 13

Not the best day ever

I slept in, because I stayed up late, because I had a cup of tea and was wide awake for the next seven hours last night and early this morning.

So when I woke up the story was fully developed. A UPS plane had crashed on final approach into Birmingham. The pictures are horrific. The two pilots were dead. And, thankfully, for a change, I knew precisely where my step-dad was.

He flies out of the same hub as those two pilots. The co-pilot has been named, someone he doesn’t know. We’re still waiting to hear the identify of the pilot. The reporters at al.com have done an incredible job on the story if you’re interested in the latest.

I’m ready to turn away from it. I’ve covered stories about neighbors, became friends with people I covered over time. I’ve reported and written and read about some horrible things people to do to one another and have a healthy detachment.

But I’m invested a bit here, enough to set the whole day off. There were emails and Facebook and a few “That’s not him, is it?” questions.

It was not, but what could have been. I couldn’t tamp down the anxious feelings until the late evening.

sun

So I went out for a little bike ride in the rain, down through the neighborhood, around the roundabout and out the back. I planned to turn left, but as so often happens in the saddle I changed my mind almost mid-turn and went right.

The rain picked up and I smelled the river. The stagnant water at the boat launch. The still and mild decay of a fish. The synthetic carpet of a boat. The funky tinge of artificial bait that has been too long in the tackle box and couldn’t catch anything but weeds. There is no water there, but those were the smells. It made me think of my grandfather, and so I pedaled on.

I started having a tough time seeing through my sunglasses on the rainy, graying road. I enjoy a rainy ride, but this wasn’t quite the same. I hit a sprint stretch, wheeled to the right and realized I was cheating on all the turns. I blamed the new front tire. We don’t know each other yet. It doesn’t trust me to dive into turns yet. If I listen close the hum is saying what could have been?

I was dying on everything. But my socks were getting wet, so my feet were getting heavier and, thus, faster. That’s my theory, anyway. Doesn’t always work. I found myself shifting toward my easiest gears and climbing up the biggest hill of the day, which is no big hill. It is already a forgotten blur. So was most of the rest of the ride. Raindrops and panting. Chickening out in curves, full of unease about them, feeling my bike get lighter the few times I put in some speed.

Somewhere I picked up the smell of an old grandmother’s hairspray, baked in by decades of cigarettes. I don’t know why I smelled these things today, since I usually can’t smell anything. But I love being on my bike because it gives me time to think about things like that, the sensations, analogies and forgetting the whompwhompwhomp of my legs.

I took that picture above just before getting home, dawdling in the sprinkling rain and the purple and orange sky. I lingered to get the right fuzzy shot because a crisp one didn’t fit the mood. I took my time because getting home means going inside means cleaning my bike — the no-fun part of riding in the rain.

And there was still UPS plane talk. What could have been is such a bizarrely odd sensation. I got so distracted I almost gnarled two knuckles of my left hand in the spokes of my bike’s back wheel.

Here’s the last story I’m reading about it tonight:

More than 13,000 bags made by Freeset USA, a local nonprofit that provides jobs to women in Calcutta, India, were among the cargo lost when a UPS cargo plane crashed Wednesday morning near Birmingham-Shuttlesworth International Airport.

The company, which lost what amounted to its entire fall inventory of bags, has decided to begin selling a T-shirt to raise money for the families of the two pilots killed in the crash, according to a news release from the company.

[…]

The company is also worried about its 200 employees, mostly women freed from Calcutta’s sex trade.

People are donating via Twitter. Freeset’s Facebook page says they are working on the design. I know this company through Samford connections. They do incredible work and I’m glad they are involved here. Can’t wait to brag on them. That will be the best thing for a perfectly sad and strange day.


4
Jul 13

Eight Fourths

Our Fourth of July tradition involves going to Dreamland, which we visited in Montgomery this evening, enjoying some ribs and pudding and then settling in for an evening of fireworks.

Of course it has rained all day, canceling the fireworks. It has also been the coolest Fourth in memory, which has prompted many remarks, but no complaints. The Yankee wore a sweater for a few pictures today.

Anyway, below is a running collage of wonderful summer memories, reading left to right, top to bottom:

Eight3Fourths

Happy Fourth of July. Hope yours is as good as mine.