So The Yankee got herself a present. (But she also says it is for us. And she did make way so that I could try it, but that ruins the joke of it.) Some 18 months or so after I got her a lower leg manual air compression recovery system she upgraded to a full-legged, machine operated, automatic, systematic, hydromatic, greased lightning recovery system.
She says, “If you need me … you don’t. I’m busy and I’m never leaving this chair.”
But, “I got them for us. We can share,” she said.
That was just after “Would you bring me all the things I need to conduct my life from here?”
But we can both use it, you see. I did get to get it a try. These are my legs:
There are four zones: quads, knees, calves and feet. At first, I did’t think my quads would allow the things to inflate properly, but the calves and the feet segments are impressive. And my knees! That probably isn’t supposed to feel as nice as it did, but it did. There is a small series of programmable choices you can make within the system, and then within the zones you have a choice between four compression levels. Level one is a nice firm embrace. Level four is like a blood pressure cuff applied by an over-anxious nurse on the first day of the job.
I started out with the third level, and was suitably impressed. Risk taker that I am, from the comfort of my own reclining chair in the living room, I bumped that miracle of modern psychotherapeutic and muscular medicine up to four, the highest level, whereby I was sent back in time to the War of 1812.
And I had a bear of a time getting back. It was very difficult to find outlets to plug this device into in 1812, let me tell you.
But, while I was there, I got to try level four. On my feet, you could feel the bones being moved together, which was a curious sensation. It felt nice on the knees, and it was noticeable on my quads. I have large thigh muscles, so I was skeptical, and I was right on that point. But on the calves, you better not be claustrophobic, have nightmares about being crushed or the general state of electrical research in the early 19th century. Oh it’s great fun, or nanty narking, as they said back there in that part of the Victorian Age. But if you want to go all the way up to level four on your calves, you better come mentally prepared.
And it was at this point when I thought, you know, I might not be wearing these boots just right. So a few adjustments were made. And then I could feel it, in the right position these things properly inflated in the quads. It was then that I sent away for all of the things I need to conduct my life from that spot.
I only left to go see this in the studio this morning:
