family


31
Jul 14

GrandBonnie

The house was a whirling fury, at times, and that was what she liked, at times.

An old man took the turn into the driveway hesitantly. He parked, pushed against the car door with all his might and shuffled his body of old bones up the long drive. It was maybe 15 feet. I met him at the door, worried he would have trouble negotiating the two steps to the porch.

He said he almost didn’t drive anymore, but he had to get in the car and come down for a visit. His wife had cut my grandmother’s hair for years. He’d cut my grandfather’s. And they, he said, always had a friend in him. You had to speak up, he said as he pointed to his hearing aid, he’d left that in the war with General George Patton. And he and his wife of more than 70 years thought the world of my family.

A woman stopped by who just loved them to pieces. She is my mother’s age, one of the dozens of kids that were raised through this house. It must have been a sight to see. She promised me great tales on my mother, my uncle and my grandparents. We will schedule a day to dish dirt.

And that was the way it went. Food came in all day, from people you knew and names you’d heard and people you couldn’t pick out of a lineup. People stayed and hugged and laughed and left and more people came and hugged and laughed. Stories were told and laughs were shared and I heard of memories that explain basic things, like the way particular words are said in my family, that I’d never heard before.

People to see, people to fuss over. That was the tenor and tone and almost always the expectation. People to tell her stories to and to grimace and laugh with. People to feed and send them on their way so they could come back by again.

It was an almost perfect whirling fury. Almost. Almost, and far from it.

GrandBonnie


30
Jul 14

GrandBonnie

I have always been blessed with great women in my life, women who took seriously the task of shaping me as I grew.

I lost one of them unexpectedly today. To me, she always had an out-sized personality. She was full of life and laughter and hugs and hospitality. She was warm and welcoming and wonderful. She could scarcely go anywhere in her town without seeing someone she knew. And if she didn’t know the people she saw it always felt that she soon might. She was stubborn and lovely. She had an abiding sense of fair play, and she delighted in practical jokes and the telling of them. Oh, but she enjoyed telling stories.

So I will tell a story about her.

A few years ago some friends of ours had a newborn pass away just before the holidays. Lauren and I are also friends with both sets of the grandparents. As life sorted itself out one set of those grandparents had no one with which to spend their Thanksgiving. I asked if these friends, grieving grandparents, could spend the day with us.

“I don’t see why not,” she said with a tone suggesting there wasn’t any other answer you should expect.

And so it was that she spent one of the most important days of the year ministering with food and laughing and hugging and crying with people who were, until that day, perfect strangers, but were now a perfect part of the family.

I believe at the end of the night she sent them home with big hugs and more food, as was her custom.

Her last few years had been a challenge for her, but her spirit was so often strong and full of the vigor that we always knew.

That was the case when I saw her last, just a few days ago. I am glad for that brief amount of time I was able to spend with her recently, though I wish for more. I am glad for the great trip she recently took, an international adventure with her daughter and son-in-law and his mother.

I am glad to have had her for so long, though all of these years were not nearly long enough to see her smile or watch her make other people laugh. I am glad that she was ours, that she could light a room with her voice and that she could change your day with just her personality. I’m glad for all of the trips we took and for the silly things we did and for all of the stories she told on me. I am glad for all of the great memories she helped make for me. I’m glad for all of the things, big and small, that she told to me over the years. I’m glad to know her favorite hymn. She just said it as a simple statement in between songs at church one day, but it seemed profoundly personal and conspiratorial to me and I find that today it is a great help, knowing that song and agreeing with her about it.

Now I just long to learn every other thing she never told me and to tell her a few more dozen times how important and wonderful she was. I’d like to tell her how doubly fortunate I am, to have, with her, never wanted for anything, and to know that statement to be a lifetime’s gospel.

I’d like to tell her that I have always been blessed with great women in my life, women who took seriously the task of shaping me as I grew. I’d like to tell her how thankful I am that my grandmother was an inexplicably big part of that good fortune.

GrandBonnie


29
Jul 14

GrandBonnie

GrandBonnie


14
Jul 14

Going home, and home again

Woke up this morning, pleased with how I felt considering the race the day before. Packed up the car, loaded the bike and said my goodbyes to grandparents and mother. I drove two towns over to visit my other grandmother.

She lives in between a town that has 1,250 residents and a village that has 281, a place where the arrival of the first 24-hour convenience store heralded the closure of a Piggly Wiggle and the local supermarket.

There’s a McDonalds and a Hardee’s and a Foodland, now, so they’re in high cotton. The barbecue place where I picked up lunch uses the walk up model most often seen at ice cream stands. The menu is littered with delightful typos. The town library, which looks like a bank, is closed on Sundays and Mondays. But they’ve expanded their Wednesday hours, where you can now get a book until 5 p.m. All of this isn’t bad for a literal one stoplight town.

Fishing and being between here-and-there are the two main calling cards of the community, which is growing. A few more storefronts popped up last year, and there are 51 more people in the town than at the turn of the century.

At the second largest intersection in town — a block from the largest, which is really just the U.S. highway that runs through the area — there is an old Coke sign on the side of a building. When it had faded beyond recognition they re-painted it. They displayed the same old Christmas decorations for at least 25 years, and they were old when I first saw them as a child. Hanging on to history is important here. I suppose that is why most of the local websites haven’t changed in years.

Just down the street from that second intersection is a four-gravestone cemetery with this marker:

Andrews

I found that in 2010. Andrews volunteered in 1862, at the age of 69. He was a pensioner from the War of 1812 when he signed on to ride for the CSA. There are some arguments, apparently, that he would have been the oldest soldier in the Confederacy. His captain, John H. Lester, would remember him in 1921 in a publication called Confederate Veteran:

He was discharged in 1863, in his seventy-first year, on account of old age, against his very earnest protest; in fact, he was very angry when informed that I had an order to discharge him. I appointed him fifth sergeant of my company and favored him while in the army in every way consistent with my duty. He was a neighbor and friend of my great-grandfather, Henry Lester, in Virginia.

The local chapter of the United Daughters of the Confederacy is named in his honor. One day I’ll meet one of those ladies and find out what they know about Andrews. The only other thing I know about him is that he was a grocer.

Wouldn’t it be interesting if he was behind that old, local supermarket?

Anyway, down the side road, beyond the place where we once ran out of gas and all the familiar old houses and the new sports fields and through a miniature subdivision that sprouted from a fallow field. We’re back on roads that just have county numbers now, in a place that, until recently, still used “rural route” on their mail until they thought being a bit more precise might be a useful thing in case of emergency.

Finally to the road that my grandmother lives on, next to the house that her parents built, where her son lives. She’s surrounded by pastureland and woods and a babbling little creek, idyllic places where I spent so much time as a child.

grandmother

We had lunch and chatted and watched a bit of television. She caught me up on family health and pictures of people’s kids. There’s always a medical update or a studio portrait to see.

Drove home, in time for the neighborhood potluck. Tonight’s theme was country cooking, guaranteeing I would overeat, know it at the time, and not regret it at all. All of those things came true.

Oh, yes, these. There’s a new interchange coming that will serve as a southern bypass around Montgomery, a city that already has a bypass. I have to go under them every so often and am interested in the progress. You look up through the thing when it is just framework and imagine, “One day, there’ll be cars and trucks there.”

bridge

This phase, which started in 2011, was originally slated to be completed this year. That seems unlikely at this point. The entire project is estimated at a cost of $500 million and a completion goal of 2022. If you’ve ever seen a highway project, you’re guessing over and after.

bridge

And if you think that is plywood, let’s just all assume it is a trick of the light. We’ll also let someone else be the first people to drive over it.

Lastly, Weird Al Yankovic is releasing a video a day for the next week in what is surely the most brilliant marketing move we’ll see from the music industry this year. Here’s his first:


12
Jul 14

Your basic family post

Visited the race registration today and showed The Yankee the bike course. We visited with my grandparents. We waited for dinner time and I spent most of the day kicking myself for not eating enough.

We went out to Ricatoni’s, an Italian place downtown. We’ll run by here tomorrow, but tonight I’m only thinking of the bread, the delicious bread blended with oil and a proprietary seasoning which tastes exactly like the mix used on breads in all of your finer Italian restaurants.

When the waitress came for my order I said, “Let’s talk volume. Give me the biggest plate you have.”

It arrived and I ate half of it. It was good, and will be even better tomorrow.

After dinner, some family shots on the sidewalk:

road

road

road

road