Do you notice the problem of symmetry in the following photo?
The pilot comes on to say this curtain — and that’s basically what it is, think of the heaviest curtain you’ve ever seen in a 1960s-70s time capsule home and you’re pretty close — is regarded by the FAA as an essential piece of equipment. And it would need to be replaced.
“Those first class folks don’t need to know you’re back there,” basically.
This after four hours of driving, rain and the mindless inanity of the TSA.
One blue shirt, I promise this is a true story, said to me “We’re just a little short handed tonight is all.”
A guy with a badge in a blue shirt said this to me in the world’s busiest airport on the night before Christmas Eve.
After 20 minutes or so of waiting for my freedom rub I eschewed the silliness of the whole thing, figuring, “Hey, at least the mysterious backscatter disease will get here faster than these people.”
In that time, people are just telling them “Oh, I’m 75,” and they get passed right through. There is a woman who has a singular job, yelling, in vain as it turns out, for opt outs. She puts her whole soul into it, bleating out her nasally phrase every six minutes or so, whether anyone comes or not.
And did you know a handkerchief can stymie the new security equipment?
I learned that safety tidbit tonight, talking with another exasperated blue shirt who was so decidedly going through the motions you wanted to ask him how far away his supervisor was just then.
So, yeah, this was what you then wanted to see for an hour:
Which is not fair. I timed it. The elapsed time from this gentleman bringing the new essential curtain onto the plane until he put his tools away was just over 14 minutes. The delay caused by it, mind you, was about an hour. This on top of a scheduling delay because of mid-air logistics elsewhere. Also, there’s weather coming in.
And this thing is broken. We were just about the first ones on the plane and saw it hanging dangerously close to failure, threatening to let the two classes of passengers mix without regard to proper aeronautical decorum. And so they took it down, the announcement was made and they scrounged up another from somewhere. Meaning there’s a room in the airport with these things in them.
Somehow, this is how you know you aren’t in the Matrix. That would just sort of pop right into place without you every consciously realizing why, the glitch in the Matrix from which you would benefit. Not us, though, not tonight.
It was decided, at one point, that this was a weight-bearing curtain. Why else could it be essential? And if that doesn’t make you want to drive everywhere, you’re a braver traveler than I.
But let’s talk about this guy. Everyone is staring at him. He’s struggling with the essential equipment. There’s a flight attendant holding this flashlight. Passengers are trying to “help.” The captain, who clearly has places to be, has come back to inspect the progress. And this poor guy knows everyone is watching him and they all want to be anywhere but on this tarmac, still. And he would like to have Christmas too.
I feel for the guy.
Meanwhile:
But we made it. One more destination safely reached. More lovely people to see. More snacks and Christmas cheer to pace ourselves on. One more misuse of the word “legendary.”
“Sit back, relax and enjoy our legendary Delta cabin service.”
Tell me another one, Santa.
