We’ve lived here for 26 months. Lovely neighborhood. And most of it, when the appliances aren’t breaking — as the washing machine did again last night — has been a joy.
Except for the television, because Charter is really bad. Specifically Charter in Auburn, Alabama is just useless.
The punchline is that Knology, which is here, is equally droll. We called them last night for a quote because, 26 months y’all, and the guy on the phone couldn’t tell us the local channel listing.
But I now know what I can get in Augusta, Ga. I’m not kidding. The guy reads off the Augusta offerings, as if he’s going to roll a cable the 250 miles from there to here. Also, it would be $10 more a month. And when they came to town they managed to cut the cable, the actual physical cable, from Charter. So they’re competent. Direct TV, then. Mostly because Charter Cable in Auburn, Ala. is terrible.
Why is Charter in Auburn, Ala. bad? This system hasn’t worked right for more than two consecutive weeks without some obvious and widespread disruption.
They came along not too long after we moved in, one of the many feeble attempts Charter offered at fixing the problem and added another component to our living room. Because the previously existing tech wasn’t doing enough to stump them. This device, a tuning adapter, was designed to act in such a way so that they wouldn’t lose all of their ones and zeroes. This is like cable on demand. If I don’t dial up the channel, they clinch up the water hose. One presumes, then, when I finally cruise back over to HBO that there will be a gigantic WOOSH as hours or days of shows all flow through the now unrestricted cable directly into my television.
But this device is just part of the problem.
Part of the problem? Why, yes, the cable from Charter Cable of Auburn, Ala. is widespread. The technicians, no fewer than two dozen, but I stopped counting late last year, have all come in, bad mouthed the company, their colleagues and this new device. They’ve also replaced everything between the television and the hub — they even dug up the yard last year — and usually wondered aloud why the last guy didn’t do that.
That’s a standard company line at Charter Cable of Auburn, Ala. Pass the buck. Blame the other guy. Don’t fix it, not today.
So we had two guys in the house not two weeks ago. He replaced the last thing that hasn’t been replaced. “I’m surprised no one else has changed that connector.” Apparently it was showing its age and this piece would fix everything. Like every other person they plugged up their diagnostic machines, tested the signal and pronounced it great. They made a phone call, no doubt leaving a string of numbers and letters on the office voicemail because, really, they aren’t talking to anyone.
The cable worked for about 10 days, which may or may not be a record.
Earlier this week we had, and I counted 32 HD channels that couldn’t be reached. I stopped there because that was a string of 32 of 35 stations that I pay a premium price for. We called the the Charter Cable technician that left us his personal number on that last visit. He would, he said, be out on Wednesday.
He stood us up. You see? The technician works just as well as the cable of Charter Cable of Auburn!
We called and complained — and this was the phone call where I learned that I’ll never fight with my beautiful, lovely wife, because after an hour on the phone with that he’d earned the most impressive scolding you could imagine.
But we learned this: the billing department does not have a boss. Yet this is the only thing Charter Cable can get sent to the house.
So they sent out an engineer today. An engineer, which means another, different and taller technician. He doesn’t even work for Charter Cable of Auburn, but for a company with whom they contract.
He glances at the tuning adapter. The yellow light was blinking. And blinking, he said, was bad.
We looked at one another. For the two years or so since we’ve had the thing, we couldn’t recall it not blinking.
He returned to the office and gets new cable cards and new tuning adapters. He spent hours trying various combinations of cards and adapters. Finally he decided that the problem wasn’t the equipment. He too plugged up his diagnostic equipment and pronounced the signal within the accepted parameters. The problem, he said was beyond him.
So the engineer was stymied. His boss is coming out tomorrow.
The first question I’m going to ask him is how no one that works with Charter Cable of Auburn seems to know that blinking yellow lights are bad.
It is all quite laughable, or it would be without the bill and the poor service from Charter Cable. None of this is new to anyone who’s had this miserable experience. I’m just adding a bit to the Google returns. Informed consumers and all that.
And now, to cheer us all up, Mr. Rogers Goes to Congress:
Did you watch until the end? You should.
