Cold. So cold. Made all the worse because all of winter has been so delightfully mild. It isn’t even terribly cold, he said as the wind chill hit 14 degrees in the late hour, the skin just isn’t prepared for it. The last time I went out, to fetch Chinese take out, the wind chill was a balmy 19.7 degrees.
The first sound I heard today was the neighbor’s daughter’s basketball goal falling over in the driveway. There was a breeze this morning. So let’s do yardwork!
The Yankee is spreading soil and removing old debris from one of the flower beds. We’re tilling. We’re digging. We’re removing rocks. It’ll be in the 60s by midweek. This is a hard time of year to figure.
We are simultaneously under a hard freeze warning and a fire weather warning.
And now, a comparison of two Joe Greene commercials.
“Mr. Greene … you played a great game. As a demonstration of my appreciation I’d like to offer to help or, failing that, insist that you enjoy this Coke in the hopes that its restorative powers help you find your A-game in time for next week’s matchup, at which time I will see you again.”
“Hey kid!” Toss jersey, jingle out.
“Mr. Greene? Mr. Greene?”
You’re a bit older and harder of hearing.
“Want my Downy Unstoppables?”
I make awkward faces while I try to stretch this container into people’s laundry rooms or, failing that, into people’s subconscious.
“Really. You can have it. (That’s what the cue card says, Joe!)”
Joe takes it, sniffs, so amazed by the smells that the angels begin to drown out the stadium crowd.
She turns, “See ya around.” Clearly bummed because a few generations ago Joe Greene just gave his jerseys away. And this would be a terrific e-bay opportunity. But no. He has to smell the darn Unstoppables some more. It is like they are … unstoppable.
Clearly, she’s pouting twice as hard as the kid in the original. (The football legend says, in a making of the commercial interview, that the kid was disappointed because he only intended to share the Coke, but Mean Joe Green drank it all.)
Realizing he is typecast, Greene tosses the jersey once more. But the scent is too strong — her olfactory nerves having intercepted the odious game time exertions — and she throws it back.
He waits half a beat and looks into the camera. “Last time I’m doing this.”
Read: “I’m in the Hall of Fame, and I have six Super Bowl rings. But I wanted to buy a nice gift for someone and this came with a hefty check. Stop trying to recreate this spot in jetways.”
Actually the Los Angeles Times quotes him, “It didn’t take much to convince me” to reprise the spot. So maybe I have that wrong. Perhaps he misses when people would make that joke at the airport. Maybe you should try it and see.
Let me know how that works out for you. I will not recite commercial lines to Mean Joe.
