This is that day-after feeling. It is no fun. The chair is better than the sofa. Sitting still is better than moving. Reading is about all I’m up for today.
This has been my favorite piece.
I just stare across the table at this polite 62-year-old man, his hair neatly combed, his face covered by a beard he hopes will allow him a measure of anonymity. Well, I stare at two different people, both of whom have made an appearance in the first two minutes.
There is Harvey Updyke, a remorseful grandfather who claims he didn’t poison those trees and wishes he’d never called a radio show to take credit for it.
And there’s Al from Dadeville — Updyke’s radio nom de guerre — who loves Alabama football, and, if he’s being totally honest, doesn’t understand why everybody’s so damn mad.
[…]
“Well, I’m just a very unhealthy Alabama fan,” he says. “I live it. I breathe it. I think about Alabama football, I’m not exaggerating, 18 hours a day. I have always been that way. It just didn’t start. That’s what people don’t understand. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is get on Tiderinsider and see what’s going on. I mean, I know it’s not healthy. I’ve been knowing that a long time. I have a daughter 33 years old named Crimson Tyde.”
If the judge in Updyke’s case lets drivel like this in you’ll see the most sympathetic instance of split personality pleading in modern trial law.
Everybody ready for the circus? His trial is presently set to begin June 20th.
