Over the weekend I spent a little time in the yard. The lawn needed attention. Across the way a neighbor was using a high tech trimmer on various parts of his own lawn. It looked like a miniature floor wading machine, his trimmer, and he was pushing it around that way too. I was sure he was sending me a message.

So I set out to trim my own driveway and to remove a small amount of green clutter on the curb. I do not have a fancy trimmer, but I made do, grabbing the weedy green stuff and chop at it with the business end of a garden spade. This is all very effective, until I misjudged my distance from the mailbox and stood up right into the bottom of the thing. Didn’t hit it very hard, but it hurt anyway. And now I have a nice just off-center knot on my head.

Before the painful part of the pain had even subsided I thought: I should Google that. What causes a knot? Aside from the trauma, of course.

Don’t look this up.

The first thing I found was on a forum. Someone’s question was:

I’ve got a knot on my forehead (about the size of a quarter) that’s been there for almost a year. I think I got it because I worked in a kitchen at a camp last summer and I was always in a hurry (because my boss was the screaming kind and you had to be fast), so consequently, I would get bruises and bumps rather often. I’m pretty sure it’s from that. However, I am curious to see if anyone has ever had a regular knot that lasted a year long. I’ve never had one that long until now.

It’s not larger than it was or colored or anything. It’s just a slightly raised (but not really noticeable – I’ve only had one person ask me about it) surface on my forehead that’s been the same size since I first noticed it a year ago. It doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t move or anything wierd like that. Is this a normal thing, for a knot to last this long? Will it go away? Could it be cancerous? I don’t think it would be, but then again, I’m not an expert and I don’t know what cancer looks like.

The person who replied, who has more than 3,800 posts on that particular forum over almost seven years, God bless him, wrote a dismissive reply. If it isn’t bothering you, don’t worry about it.

He has a signature file on the forum, and it is a list of his medical condition and the medication he’s using. He may not be an expert on minor cranial accidents, but he’s qualified for a lot of other things.

And then the Mayo Clinic, who tells us not to be concerned if the little one gets a knot in a soccer game. (As a young soccer player that’s a relief, these many years later). The M.D. writes:

Head trauma resulting from play or sporting events is a common concern for parents, but few bumps on the head of this nature result in serious injury.

The forehead and scalp have an abundant blood supply and injury to these areas often results in bleeding under the skin. When the bleeding is restricted to one area, it causes bruising and swelling. Doctors refer to this as a hematoma.

Turns out I have a nice little scratch, too. Didn’t bleed, though, and I didn’t have any emergency room-type symptoms.

What I do have is a phrenologist’s dream (where you will find the clever explanation for this post’s witty title) and a general distaste for browsing medical sites. You can catch anything in those subdirectories.

About 15 miles on the bike, where I managed to catch the flugelbinder of my shoelace in the chain rings. This happened on a relatively flat spot, and I was able to quickly hope off. I stood there for a moment, trying to figure out how to free myself. A simple tug wouldn’t do the trick. So I had to take my shoe off, while straddling the bike. This requires re-thinking your normal shoe removal procedure and a few stupid looking hops. Standing in my sock, I managed to free the shoe.

I’ve learned to not tempt fate more than once per bike ride, so that experience was enough to call it a day. But, still, that’s 15 miles before breakfast.

And after breakfast I graded things. After lunch I wrote a lecture and did research.

Later I went to the DMV. Time for one of the new annual sticker. One person in line in front of me in a satellite office. There was one guy in front of me, leaving just enough time to read every sign in the place. “No cell phones. Do not put your child on the counter, for the childs (sic) safety. No talking, thinking, looking bored or frustrated at the experience. Hey, it could be worse, bub, you could be at the post office. We accept credit cards, and there will be an additional charge.”

At least the line moves fast. The woman behind the counter, and a big sheet of glass, was humorless. I wrote a check, because why pay for the convenience of using my convenient strip of plastic when I can scribble out four lines of ink from their pen? Those taxes on that little sticker — this may be the most expensive one square inch of property I own — have to pay for something, right?

She also intended that I read her mind and just sign the form already. I do this once a year, lady, I forget what is supposed to be signed. Also, there was recently a head injury.